A TOUCHY Subject: Autism & Touch

Jack (on the right) spontaneously showing affection to his brother. Maybe the matching PJs inspired him.

I always assumed that people on the Autism Spectrum do not like to be touched. As in they’ll bristle or yell or run away. But my Jack surprised me as he seems to crave touch. I was wondering if this was a normal thing, so I asked my readers if their kids are also ok with touches. The answer is: yes! They love hugs and squeezes, massages and some tickling.

HOWEVER—the reaction to and the benefit of touch with a person on the Autism Spectrum totally depends on the circumstances. It depends on the timing, the pressure, the giver, the mood of the one receiving the touch. Touch cannot be unexpected. It cannot be from a stranger or lesser known person. Generally it needs to be on his or her own terms.

Here are a few things to think about when trying to figure out how to incorporate touch into your relationship with a person with autism:

The Power of Deep Pressure

In the early days of diagnosis, Jack’s Occupational Therapist showed me that he was craving the ability to organize his body. Touch can help him to connect with his body. She taught me that deep pressure/hard touch; such as rough squeezing, pounding, and deep tissue massage can be more helpful and tolerable than regular or light touches. At that point in time, light touch would make Jack jumpy and uncomfortable.

I began to see the useful tool that deep pressure touch could be. I learned to:

• Squeeze Jack’s arms and hands to get him ready to write
• Roughly massage his shoulders to help him calm down
• Give him boa constrictor-like hugs with his arms down to show love or to calm him down
• Pound him on the back to get him excited
• Push down hard on his shoulders to get him to relax his feet and stop toe walking (it only works for a moment, but it makes me feel better that I’m at least doing something to address it)

More Touch Can Lead to More Toleration

Once both Jack and I got used to receiving/giving touch, I ventured into lighter touch. Turns out the kid LOVES head massages and back scratches. This is a helpful activity while listening at church: he melts into me and completely relaxes—until I touch him too lightly and he gets jumpy and pulls my hand away.

Touchy-Feely Things

You know those baby board books that have pictures of animals and there’s a tuft of  fluffy “fur” that you can pet on each page? Now that’s a memory I have of younger Jack: reading those and me petting the “fur” and telling him it is SO soft, trying to get him to touch it. Even with me physically taking his hand to stroke it, he would refuse and wouldn’t open up his hand. If he did get a little touch, it was repulsive. Hmm, now I realize that meant something. This little guy was hyper-sensitive to those soft sensations with touch.

Feeling the fur of a moving animal=WOW!

I can’t pinpoint exactly the thing that has helped Jack to be more “durable”, but I am proud to say that a few weeks ago he put his hand on a goat at the farm!

Other fun touching developments include: I saw him put a hand on a classmate’s hair, curious of the stiff spikes. Us having a dog is interesting—it is extremely RARE that he will touch our dog, but I have caught him putting a quick awkward hand on him occasionally. Yet, fairly often he will he reach over and sneak a stroke of his little sister’s hair.  He will sometimes suddenly put his hand gently on my face and tell me he loves me. It’s like he knows touch is a form of affection and he’s starting to “feel” it more naturally!

My Touchy Learning Curve

I have not been a very touch-y person in my life, but as I was educated and encouraged to intentionally reach out to give my son specific physical contact, I saw how it could calm him or energize him as needed.

This education about the power of touch has been a great tool and has strengthened my relationship with Jack. He comes near me to get a back or head rub AND he occasionally reciprocates, giving me a back scratch in turn.

Best of all, as with most strategies I utilize for Jack, they spill over into being beneficial for ALL of my kids. I think to give touch more and have realized how much we all need the power that touch can bring.

>> How does your child respond to touch? What are some ways YOU utilize touch to help your child? <<

Wrestling can be a fun way to become more comfortable with physical contact.