DON’T FORGET THE SIBLINGS! Jack as Big Brother

Jack really likes his little sister.

Jack & Claire. Claire & Jack.

Meet ‘Claire Bear’. Last week I introduced you to Jack’s older siblings. Today is a post just for the 3 year old little sister; she’s that big of a deal for Jack.

These two are 3 years apart. I’ve mentioned before that I started questioning Jack’s behavior late in my pregnancy with her and during the newborn days. I just need to say that I am forever grateful that we did NOT know about autism in our family before having all of our children. Had we known, that would have been a huge, tough factor in our decision to have another baby. Claire probably wouldn’t have gotten her chance to join our family for “fear” of more disabilities. Even if I had gotten over that “fear”, it’s possible I would have been too focused on interventions for Jack to consider another. Luckily, because of how our timing worked out, we were blessed with our sweet caboose, Claire. And had disabilities shown up in her, we certainly would have embraced whoever she was too.

This probably won’t make sense to others, but one day when Claire was about 18 months old, I had a tender realization that she was more than just a final baby to enjoy. Claire was sent as my ‘bonus’ right before we received Jack’s diagnosis. In rearing Jack for 3 years, I had become kind of numb to the wonder of child raising. Sure, he was my 4th, so I had ‘been there, done that’, but it wasn’t until I had another baby who was hitting her milestones with gusto that I came to the realization that that flavor of joy had been missing with Jack thus far. Claire has been my ‘cherry on top’—a way to finish out with the typical behaviors that I guess I personally needed for closure on this chapter of my motherhood.

Nothing against Jack. In fact, as I discussed in my awesome toddler shopper post, he was so low-key and in his own world that everything was almost too easy. Claire reminds me daily that typical children are challenging children as well!

>> And now I need to interject my current state of mind, as I am growing through the autism journey. I have learned to find much JOY in my Jack, it’s just in different things: locking eyes for a moment, a full and intelligible sentence, his correct pencil grip as he can now write… I am enjoying his progress on his timetable, no matter how tiny or huge his steps may be. <<

Jack comes to lay by the new baby-this was the first time he made a move to get to know Claire.

It was a rocky start to get Jack to acknowledge baby Claire’s presence, but over time these two have formed the sweetest relationship. They look out for each other and serve one another. Whenever either one is given a snack, they’ll take a second item and deliver it to their sibling. Two year old Claire learned her letters, numbers, colors and shapes right along with kindergarten Jack and now their conversations are filled with “what’s your favorite color? Claire, what number comes next? How you spell five, Jack?” Claire joins in Jack’s arm flapping excitement. They are quite the pair as they grow together.

A different blanket scene: Claire was concerned over sick Jack on our summer camping trip.

Yes, it has been hard and annoying to have a little one accompany us to therapy and appointments. But I believe that Claire, along with his other siblings, is the greatest form of therapy Jack could get. Frequent opportunities for interpersonal interactions are priceless.

I remember sitting at occupational therapy by another mom who had a daughter watching her older brother. The mom explained how hard it is when the younger sibling’s skills and development surpass the older child’s. That had already happened for her with her 4 year old typical daughter and 6 year old autistic son. I know that day will come for us too. It will be hard, but I am confident that Claire will continue to help her brother in whatever stage he’s working through.

The siblings “watch” their brother play baseball.

Reflecting on our family as a whole, I believe that Jack being child #4 of 5 is just perfect for us. Had he been our first or maybe second child, I feel we might have let our family activities be dictated too much by him. Maybe we wouldn’t have dared to get out much. But because we’ve been used to having older siblings involved in activities, staying home all the time just isn’t an option. And it is good for all of us to get out—to watch a baseball game in the fresh air, to learn to endure an awards assembly, to join in activities at cub scouts, to sit and wait in the car during cello lessons. It’s certainly tough to manage at times, but I am glad to get him out there, coping with real life situations.

Jack performs his brotherly duties.

And you already know I am grateful he wasn’t our last. I know he feels a responsibility to his little sister. He steps it up in his ‘big brother’ role. These 2 rascals are just what the other needs. And I need them–all 5 of them–too!

>> Please take this as just one mother’s thoughts about her own  family. We each have a different situation, decisions to make, and difficulties to deal with. I know you are doing your best in your own sphere. Keep it up and let us all cheer each other on. Go team! <<