THE UP-SIDE OF AUTISM: According to Me

There’s so much ‘bad’ regarding Autism Spectrum Disorder. But I don’t want to focus on all the negative stuff today. There is also so much ‘good’. As annoying as it is to say, the autism spectrum has really widened my life’s spectrum.

I thought I’d reflect on a few significant ‘positives’ that have stood out to me regarding Jack’s autism. They have changed my vision and character, making me an overall better person:

Giving it a Name

It’s strange, but many people describe feeling a wave of relief when receiving their child’s official diagnosis. I know I felt it. The child psychologist started with something like, “I’m sorry to tell you this…”, but my response was, “no, this is good…”

There was finally a name for ‘off’ behaviors, and a good reason why. There was a feeling of justification: this was not just me and my husband feeling that something was up with Jack. There is real HELP available: professionals, books, internet forums and resource centers, to name a few. Also, the word autism is getting more attention these days, so more people are familiar with it. They may not know what it means, but if you say your child has autism, people tend to cut you a little slack—HOPEFULLY.

Uncovering Understanding

I am very lucky that Jack can be a huggy guy-when he wants.

An emotional whirlwind occurred in me after finding out that Jack’s sidekick named Autism was hiding in our family. Oddly enough, I finally felt settled about my distant, mysterious 4th child. There was much more to Jack to be uncovered and it was exciting! He became my child that I had to conscientiously work to bond with, using creative techniques. It was a little strange to have professionals come in and teach me how to love my child and see his potential. But it was necessary. And the things that I learn with Jack help me to build a better bond with my other kids as well.

The Right Touch

In my efforts to try to connect with Jack after his diagnosis, I realized that one thing he responded to was TOUCH. He would just melt if I rubbed his back or head; it could instantly calm him. Then our old occupational therapist taught me that hard touch–rough squeezing, pounding, deep tissue massage–would help Jack to connect and wake up his reactions.

Jack loves getting close with Dad too.

Being aware of different forms of touch for different situations has really helped me form a special relationship with Jack. I take silent pride in having physical strategies to calm/redirect/energize him. I love it when he comes to me to get a back rub or when he tells me he needs a very big squeeze.

Touch is becoming more a part of me and my other children are benefiting from it. I think to give them more physical affection. It’s something I wouldn’t have focused on, had I not been ‘coached’ on it to fill a need.

Gratitude for Progress

Jack & his brother can be found spontaneously hugging (and other times hurting) each other.

I am kind of obsessed with watching Jack. I enjoy making connections between what he’s doing and what he might be thinking. Any little change in his behavior is fascinating to me. And when he makes a step in the right direction, it’s a big deal! His progress is a family affair: his siblings love to report his interactions with them and together we enjoy cheering him on.

A Community Appears

When I stepped out of the exam room after being told that Jack has autism, I headed across the hall to the center’s resource room (this was in Southern CA). There were shelves of donated books, toys, and videos to check out to study aspects of autism. There was a woman there asking what I needed. And I said, for the first time, “I guess my son has autism.” I was given an immediate hug and a listening ear. She pointed me to resources and phone numbers. This lady was the beginning of the open arms, ears, and hearts I have encountered in the special needs parenting world.

I joined a special needs “friendship club” in California through First 5, where parents meet and discuss thoughts and ideas while the kids have fun with trained volunteers. When we moved, I found a Facebook group in my new area: a safe place to connect, vent, and get advice. I also try to talk with other parents waiting at therapy or at Jack’s school activities to make connections and swap resource ideas.

Let the Blessings Flow

Several blessings have appeared in our laps, such as meeting our amazing occupational therapist at my kids’ gymnastics lessons. Also, we moved to a different state which just happened to have a charter (free) school for kids with autism in our area—and we got into it! I met a miracle worker swimming teacher, perfect for Jack’s needs, when I sat next to her at church. The team of teachers and therapists we’ve found have been amazing, loving, and HELPFUL parts of our life.

I also want to mention the care we’ve gotten as we’ve discussed Jack’s needs with others. Each year his various church teachers have been loving and patient with him. Hairdressers and the dentist went to great measures to make his experiences positive. And our extended family has been understanding and patient with him.

>> I totally understand that many people have had very negative experiences dealing with people and situations. We’ve seen hard things too, but today I’m choosing the positive side of autism! <<

Our crazy kids, with Jack on the right.

Autism has brought a unity to our own little family. There is a softness and protection around Jack. We have all learned a lot about patience, teamwork, sacrifice, and love. My kids have shown a lot of understanding towards me as I navigate Jack’s various temperaments and needs. I also feel we’ve each become more accepting of the different situations of those around us.

Can’t Complain about the Perks!

Jack at the soccer camp for autistic kids!

When the general community wants to demonstrate that it is “aware of autism”, there can be awesome opportunities! We’ve taken advantage of several autism-friendly events, all of which were free to us! To name a few: a carnival/balloon launch autism celebration, autism soccer camp, a professional basketball game, special times at the children’s museum that is more sensory friendly.

Right before the balloon launch at the celebration of autism.

My whole family gets to participate in most of these and they make for a friendly outing that’s tailored to special needs. In my opinion, the atmosphere at any of these events carries a tangible feeling of LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and SUPPORT. I truly appreciate that the community provides events of any kind to remember this special population. The events are positive growing experiences for all who are involved, be it the workers, volunteers, passersby, families, and the individuals with autism themselves.

Seek the Positive

As with any situation we’ve been given in life, we can choose how we want to see it. Amongst Autism Spectrum Disorder’s bad and hard and frustrating, there is also growth, lessons to be learned, and people to be loved. I encourage all of us to stop and look to the positives, beginning with the special person who has been placed in our lives to teach us about love.