AWARE OF AUTISM: Interaction Strategies for Everyone

Ahhh April. This month has a new meaning to me now, for now I know…it’s Autism Awareness Month.

Jack at age 2. Two years before his diagnosis.

A few years ago, I had only heard the word ‘autism’. I had no idea what that meant and I would have said I’d never encountered anyone with it. However, I’ve had a complete flood of autism awareness now that I know my own son has it. I would assume that most people are in the same boat as I was: “The No Clue About Autism Cruise”.

In an effort to raise awareness of autism, I am going to put out yet one more internet list of some signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder. But it’s not just ANY boring old list of clues to watch for, this one includes ideas and strategies for how to work with these behaviors. My hope is to have you actually connect with a new friend on the spectrum.

So, let’s say you do not have a child with autism. However, you probably have or will encounter someone who is on the Autism Spectrum. You might have been told that they have autism, OR you can use this list of behaviors to semi-determine if they are one who needs a different kind of attention. As you see behaviors pop up, you can use these ideas to help make life a little bit easier for them and their family.

Signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder and How to accommodate those on the Spectrum:

• Avoiding Eye Contact:

Try saying “can I see your eyes?”, or point to your forehead to have them look there, OR don’t worry about it—they’re listening anyway!

• Speech Issues:

If they are non-verbal, still talk to them! They are a person! You could comment on their shirt, their toy, or what they are examining. Please don’t just talk through their parents. And a note to parents of autistic kids: please let other people attempt an interaction with your child! It can be a good thing for both of them.

If they are not on topic, just stop and listen to them. What do THEY want to talk about? Make a comment about their chosen subject. This is what they are thinking about/obsessing over and you can enter their brain for a moment as you engage over their topic.

Realize they might be reciting something they’ve heard before. You know what would be amazing for them? If you possibly happened to recognize what they might be quoting and you joined in! Movie quoting moments used to be the one time Jack looked in my eyes and smiled—it can be like magic!

• Repetitive Movements (Stimming):

Just let them be. Their different movements help to regulate them; they bring order to their world. In the case of Jack, if he’s flapping his arms, he is HAPPY. Take that as a sign that they are really enjoying themselves and play off of it. If you see spinning, that is a way to organize or calm themselves OR to drink in their surroundings. You could comment on it if you want: “Wow, you are so excited!” or “You are so good at calming down!”

• Unique Use of Objects:

Just watch what they are doing. Enjoy the difference! If they are spinning the wheels of an upside down toy car, examine it with them. Embrace that they are giving you a peek into how their mind works and let them be your guide into their world.

• Sensory Sensitivity:

Jack’s aunt is very patient and accommodating with his behaviors.

If you see an aversion to certain textures, sounds, lighting, etc. that is a cue to be aware of their environment. They might withdraw OR act out when their senses are uncomfortable. Don’t make them eat or touch something that is offending them. Can you turn them away from the flickering light or turn it off? Help them cover their ears or get away from the sound. Try whispering or stop talking (maybe your loud voice is the problem!).

Acknowledge that some situations are just overwhelming for them. Be understanding of their discomfort—it is a real thing they are dealing with. If you’re able to, give them a warning beforehand that it’s going to be bright or loud or sticky and give suggestions of how they can get through it. Another strategy is to allow them to escape the situation to take a break and regroup.

• Sudden Utter Inflexibility:

Oh that we could peek into the inner workings of an autistic mind! We would see their unique standard of organization and expectations that they may not be able to communicate. Many on the spectrum want things done in just the right way; such as in the correct order or pattern, or strictly involving specific objects, or with someone speaking the exact words desired, or having people stand in all the right places. They want the scene in their mind to match real life and can get very frustrated when it doesn’t.

They tend to be strict rule followers and take things literally. And when expectations are not met to their standard, the result is often a meltdown! And you don’t want to be around when a kid is inconsolable over something no one else can see or fix.

Here are a couple of strategies for when you see someone on the Spectrum digging in their heels because of frustrations or inflexibility:

1) If you can, beforehand, warn and explain to them what will be happening. Prepare them for a change, a transition, or an unexpected event.

2) Don’t downplay the importance of their need to fulfill an expectation. Let’s say they are trying to line up cars in an exact order. Don’t hurry them through it and mess up their organization. While it would be great to join in to connect and help them, just know that it usually doesn’t work to try to step in. You just can’t know what their brain’s perfect plan is. Stand back and enjoy the show, for any attempt at trying to speed up the process will most likely backfire.

• In Their Own World:

Get down on their level and try to see what they’re seeing. Maybe they’re fascinated by a light in the distance. Maybe they’re counting the screws on some furniture. Maybe the wind is causing interesting patterns of movement in the trees. Follow their lead. Slow down and open your mind and your senses to their view. These special people help us see that there is more than one way to look at the world!

I’ll always remember the time, early on in Jack’s diagnosis, when we were at a restaurant and I kept bugging Jack to eat his food. He wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t sit, he wouldn’t listen to me. I went and stood by him and ducked down to his level. There was a flashing traffic signal right outside the window. It had a pretty interesting flashing pattern. But we needed to eat—so I said, “wow, it’s flashing!”, to validate what he was experiencing. Then I moved him over to sit by me, facing away from the window, and he was fine to eat. Entering his view for a moment helped me to see the distraction he was facing and then acknowledging it made all the difference.

Seek to Understand

I hope that we can all work to understand the perspective of those on the Autism Spectrum and help to accommodate them. It takes patience, effort, and an open mind to stop, observe, and act on what is really going on for them. Using these strategies can help you form a bond and understanding that these special ones really will appreciate. And you will find that you cherish the connection too!