“ESCAPING” Christmas: That’s One Way to Cope

It was Christmas Morning several years ago. We had traveled from California to be with our family in Utah. The night before had been a huge sleepover with several families in my husband’s family. The cousins lined up and exploded up the stairs to look at the tree and presents. As you can imagine in a setting like this, there was much excitement and noise and movement! Christmas Morning was alive and well at Grandma’s house!

Crazy neighborhood Christmas light display, Jack age 4

I watched and helped and cheered with my kids. Wait–most of my kids. I looked over to four year old Jack’s untouched stocking and realized he was missing. When I had a moment, I went looking for him. In the quieter adjoining kitchen, I found Jack silently looking up and around the regular room, pointing at things and giving a half-smile. “Jack, come look at your presents! It’s Christmas!” I pulled him into the chaotic room to his stocking. I picked out one item out to show him, but realized he had escaped back into the ‘safety’ of the quiet kitchen.

And so I let him be, glancing in periodically to observe the scene. His own brand of Christmas excitement was being played out solo in the kitchen. He knew the day was special; he could feel something different. He created his own moment of wonder—muttering and exclaiming ‘wow’ in the kitchen, half arm flapping while pointing at ordinary objects and the overhead lights with awe.

That year Jack’s gifts were opened with assistance, well after the other kids’ were off enjoying their new spoils. And his small pile of gifts were largely untouched, even when the wrapping had been pulled off.

Jack had been diagnosed with autism six months prior to that Christmas. Now that we had this explanation of his behaviors, I was seeing him with new eyes, even if I didn’t know what to do about them. One year before I could have thought his actions were unacceptable; I might have pulled him into the excitement and kept him there, coercing him to open his presents with the others.

Now I recognize escapism, one coping mechanism for over-stimulation. It’s just like it sounds: Jack likes to sneak off and hide from tough situations. I am one thrilled mama to NOT have him performing a loud meltdown scene amidst the chaos. But sometimes I am sad that he escapes all too often. My general ‘rule’ these days is that I want to help him experience a ‘real situation’ for a time: I pull him in and try to get him engaged. And then I allow him to go off as needed to cope in his own way. I remember once finding him at a birthday party in a quiet side room sprawled upside down on the host’s stairs. (He used to hang out upside down on our couches a lot.) Whatever works.

Our occupational therapist just yesterday suggested that as we go into challenging, over-stimulating situations for the holidays, we should give him a good dose of sensory input before entering. Examples would be jumping, running, spinning, rough massaging (or whatever we can figure out at the time) to get his body and brain active and moving. That way, Jack enters ready to ‘party’ and take in some extra stimuli. The OT also recommended noise-reducing headphones, which we’ve never tried. These help to cut down on input for one of the senses to make events more tolerable. Sounds like a good option to try!

Jack (4) that same year, feeling merry in a less chaotic setting.

As Christmas and its activities envelop us this year, I am grateful for the strategies that we continue to acquire. They make the season more pleasant for Jack, which in turn, make it much more enjoyable for all of us around him.

>> A Merry Christmas 2016 to my readers! May the season be cheerful, meaningful, and calm-ish, for you and your loved ones! And please—share your tips for helping your special needs kids to enjoy the holidays!! <<