Jack (4) with one of his behavioral therapists (who was nice enough to let the baby join in the fun!)

Behavioral Therapists. Gotta love them. We had 3 glorious months of having therapists in our home every single day. Better yet, an agency where we lived in California covered the cost for them. >>>Please keep in mind that this cost me so so so much paperwork, months of waiting, phone calls, mandatory meetings & checkups from the county.<<< I was very disappointed to move and give up this setup. But alas…

Each day the therapists trained me in dealing with home situations with Jack. One thing I appreciated was that it was based on play and following his interests, as opposed to using flash cards and academic drills. I watched them train him to do undesirable things and I learned how they helped him through it. They taught him games, made him follow the rules, and included practicing LOSING the game and coping strategies for that. We worked through play date fights and proper interactions with peers and siblings.

One specific skill that we worked on: Jack has a particular way of “finishing” with games and toys–he destroys them. He builds a lego structure that he’s pretty proud of, then he rips it apart until it’s in separate pieces thrown all directions. He’s finished with a game–he tosses each individual part all over the room and then walks away. Well, we worked through a lot of tantrums getting him to clean up. These behavioral therapists would not back down and let him out of cleaning. We then worked on preparing him beforehand to control himself. As a game concluded, the therapist would warn him that we would finish nicely and control our bodies and put it away carefully. Jack does better with this now, especially when monitored. However, friends and siblings beware: if a really cool lego creation is left within reach and Jack encounters it when alone, it will be completely annihilated into individual pieces within a few seconds. Still working on that one.

Jack’s speech has improved 100x in the year since this therapy, but back then he was often silent, bypassing the trouble it took to articulate thoughts. If he wanted food, he wouldn’t say it, he would just get it, often climbing up the pantry or cupboards. It was nice that he was independent, but he was bypassing any chance of interaction. When I was involved–let’s say I gave him a food and he wouldn’t eat it or he got upset over it. Why wouldn’t he just eat it? We went through many scuffles over food because I thought he wanted something in particular when, in fact, it was possibly the polar opposite of what he wanted.

And so, one therapist, with all her training, taught him one golden phrase. I am so excited to share it! Are you ready for this? The phrase is…

“I want…”

Amazing, isn’t it?!! Jack would be stopped in his tracks if she saw him eyeing the pantry to find snacks. She would say, “Oh Jack, it looks like you want something. What do you want?” and then she would prompt him, saying, “I want…” and Jack learned to repeat back the prompt, and eventually finish the sentence, “I want…………….crackers.” It took a surprising amount of time for him to think through and then ‘dare’ to actually say what he wanted.

I personally believe “I want…” works really well to combat the echolalia I’ve spoken of before. This is where Jack usually repeats back the last thing offered to him, such as “do you want to play Sorry or Connect Four?” He would usually pick the latter choice of Connect Four because it was easiest to remember and repeat. Making him say “I want…” before he repeats an un-meditated answer makes him realize, oh I actually want something completely different. I have literally seen him shake his head as he is thinking through the answer to “I want”—it’s a kind of awakening from a trance to realize his true desire.

Look at Jack’s real smile with another fun therapist! (and brother sneaks in to share the love)

I have used this valuable phrase many times with my typical 2 year old as I see her frustrations run high with her unintelligible requests. I know it will be a useful tool as she learns to use more language. Using forms of the “I want…” magic with my older kids is proving to be useful as well. It’s all about acquiring the skills to think through and articulate desires to both others and ourselves. Realizing what we really want and explaining it to others can cut down on a lot of frustration for all of us, autistic or not.

>>>See Magical Phrase #2 here<<<